03-17-2014, 08:59 PM
Hello friends, this time of March brings most awaited news to many anxious doctors, happy for some, heartbreaking for some. My story here is about how I survived through those heart wrenching moments and finally felt happiness would really feel like, after a long long time. For the purpose of concentrating more on my journey, I will not post specific/identifying information, as I believe my achievements are at best mediocre. But there are numerous time that I felt like this was never going to work out, this will never end in a good day and things will never change, but somehow there was an innate voice that grabbed me from jumping off the edge everytime I decided to call it quits, maybe its human nature, destiny or gods will.
This is my 4th match, and I have been here too long to see friends become attendings, juniors getting into residencies and some generously advising me that USMLE is not my cup of tea. I come from a very "blink and you will miss" kind of medical school that did not have alumni, did not know jack about USMLE. Like many enthusiastic doctors, I set my journey for this long, arduous and treacherous journey a few years ago, with a lot of hope, big dreams, deep passion and not so deep pockets. There were health issues in my family that took away my time after graduation and I wrote step 1 in desperation, more than 2 yrs later , only to barely pass. I thought of quitting and finding something locally, but for some stupid stubborn reason, I decided to go through step 2, 1.5 yrs after I took step 1. I set foot in USA in 2010, to complete the remaining exams under the delusion that an ECFMG certificate with some meager contact would do the trick for me. After blowing up a chunk of cash on ERAS and realizing how diverse rejection letters can be, needless to say the 1st season was a disaster because I did not know how to make a decent application package and got ECFMG certified late. I took step 3 for the 2nd season and did not add much, except some quantum of USCE form a google with difficulty clinic in rural USA, which as you guess didn't do nothing. I decided that things were not going right and decided to stick to one single branch rather than applying to all and look like a fool on the application. I grilled all programs with emails/calls and landed in a University obsie/externship for few months. I did research, published, went back home and worked in prestigious institutions of the same specialty. I did get decent number of interviews, so many so that I had to decline one that I could not attend because of the cheap 800$ round trip flight in the last minute. Programs, PDs said wow, awesome and adjectives that I never heard, which in hindsight were not what they meant. I was literally fixated that I was getting in this year and even surfed craigslist for apartments when my friends where crapping in anxiety. Come 2013 march and it was one of the biggest jolts I have ever felt. The SORRY YOU DID NOT MATCH took me a couple of days to process as I was numb and did not expect it at all. However, being used as a punchbag by fate does have its own advantages I guess. Somewhere along the trial of 2013, I applied for a job in the same specialty in some of the numerous islands that abound North America, and fate deciding to give me a consolation prize patched me through that job that I started in July. Work had 2 benefits, you could earn for yourself which is pretty good, and it keeps your mind occupied which is great. With veteran experience in ERAS, which almost published my name as a GOLDEN DONOR or LIFETIME DONATION AWARD, I filled up the customary data, which by that time I could recite in my sleep. I managed interviews that spared my second hand from counting, and I was royally ticked that I was going downhill again. But however, this year I faced interviews NOT with anxiety or with a driven force to showcase I was a stellar candidate despite my CV saying otherwise, I simply focused more on ME, what I am, what I can do differently and WHY despite all odds piling up like national debt, I was still a stubborn son of a gun. I told programs that my scores arent stellar, my YOG is not fresh, but I would still try to the best with what I have, and that they would be proud to call me their alumni one day in the future, because of the time and knowledge they invest in me would be worth it. Because I am an average guy who can relate to the people they see in day to day life and probably understand that life can deal tough cards, sometimes more than a few times.
Like anyone else I was sweating in anxiety all morning, desperately wishing (praying if you might call it) that this triology of despair not convert to a quartet of doom. After frantically pressing the refresh button a Million times, the feeling when you see CONGRATULATIONS was so different that it felt stranger than good. So strange that it took a while to realize that I was genuinely happy, after a long long time. Through these years, I have seen indifference from people you thought mattered most, criticism when you wanted support and smirks when you wanted a shoulder to lay your head for a moment and take a few deep breaths. On the flipside I have seen a glimmer of hope through darkest moments, random acts of kindness from totally unknown people and support from quarters that you never expected. This sir, was one helluva ride.
My credentials are 195/212/201 no attempts 2007 grad needing Visa. People can present various statistics that my probability is XYZ. But all probabilities have variables, and in USMLE the variable is YOU that can change the whole equation. There are lots of frustrated souls who need a glimmer of hope in times like now, my attempt is not make false assurances or create overblown optimism. But TO WIN A BATTLE, YOU MUST FIGHT A BATTLE. Ive been there, seen that, more times than I would like, but hey, life is about rolling with the punches. YOU are always YOUR best friend. Congratulations to all the well deserved successful applicants and my best wishes and prayers for the friends that could not make it this year. And to all people who have made this possible for me, I know thank you is too small a word, but it comes from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.
This is my 4th match, and I have been here too long to see friends become attendings, juniors getting into residencies and some generously advising me that USMLE is not my cup of tea. I come from a very "blink and you will miss" kind of medical school that did not have alumni, did not know jack about USMLE. Like many enthusiastic doctors, I set my journey for this long, arduous and treacherous journey a few years ago, with a lot of hope, big dreams, deep passion and not so deep pockets. There were health issues in my family that took away my time after graduation and I wrote step 1 in desperation, more than 2 yrs later , only to barely pass. I thought of quitting and finding something locally, but for some stupid stubborn reason, I decided to go through step 2, 1.5 yrs after I took step 1. I set foot in USA in 2010, to complete the remaining exams under the delusion that an ECFMG certificate with some meager contact would do the trick for me. After blowing up a chunk of cash on ERAS and realizing how diverse rejection letters can be, needless to say the 1st season was a disaster because I did not know how to make a decent application package and got ECFMG certified late. I took step 3 for the 2nd season and did not add much, except some quantum of USCE form a google with difficulty clinic in rural USA, which as you guess didn't do nothing. I decided that things were not going right and decided to stick to one single branch rather than applying to all and look like a fool on the application. I grilled all programs with emails/calls and landed in a University obsie/externship for few months. I did research, published, went back home and worked in prestigious institutions of the same specialty. I did get decent number of interviews, so many so that I had to decline one that I could not attend because of the cheap 800$ round trip flight in the last minute. Programs, PDs said wow, awesome and adjectives that I never heard, which in hindsight were not what they meant. I was literally fixated that I was getting in this year and even surfed craigslist for apartments when my friends where crapping in anxiety. Come 2013 march and it was one of the biggest jolts I have ever felt. The SORRY YOU DID NOT MATCH took me a couple of days to process as I was numb and did not expect it at all. However, being used as a punchbag by fate does have its own advantages I guess. Somewhere along the trial of 2013, I applied for a job in the same specialty in some of the numerous islands that abound North America, and fate deciding to give me a consolation prize patched me through that job that I started in July. Work had 2 benefits, you could earn for yourself which is pretty good, and it keeps your mind occupied which is great. With veteran experience in ERAS, which almost published my name as a GOLDEN DONOR or LIFETIME DONATION AWARD, I filled up the customary data, which by that time I could recite in my sleep. I managed interviews that spared my second hand from counting, and I was royally ticked that I was going downhill again. But however, this year I faced interviews NOT with anxiety or with a driven force to showcase I was a stellar candidate despite my CV saying otherwise, I simply focused more on ME, what I am, what I can do differently and WHY despite all odds piling up like national debt, I was still a stubborn son of a gun. I told programs that my scores arent stellar, my YOG is not fresh, but I would still try to the best with what I have, and that they would be proud to call me their alumni one day in the future, because of the time and knowledge they invest in me would be worth it. Because I am an average guy who can relate to the people they see in day to day life and probably understand that life can deal tough cards, sometimes more than a few times.
Like anyone else I was sweating in anxiety all morning, desperately wishing (praying if you might call it) that this triology of despair not convert to a quartet of doom. After frantically pressing the refresh button a Million times, the feeling when you see CONGRATULATIONS was so different that it felt stranger than good. So strange that it took a while to realize that I was genuinely happy, after a long long time. Through these years, I have seen indifference from people you thought mattered most, criticism when you wanted support and smirks when you wanted a shoulder to lay your head for a moment and take a few deep breaths. On the flipside I have seen a glimmer of hope through darkest moments, random acts of kindness from totally unknown people and support from quarters that you never expected. This sir, was one helluva ride.
My credentials are 195/212/201 no attempts 2007 grad needing Visa. People can present various statistics that my probability is XYZ. But all probabilities have variables, and in USMLE the variable is YOU that can change the whole equation. There are lots of frustrated souls who need a glimmer of hope in times like now, my attempt is not make false assurances or create overblown optimism. But TO WIN A BATTLE, YOU MUST FIGHT A BATTLE. Ive been there, seen that, more times than I would like, but hey, life is about rolling with the punches. YOU are always YOUR best friend. Congratulations to all the well deserved successful applicants and my best wishes and prayers for the friends that could not make it this year. And to all people who have made this possible for me, I know thank you is too small a word, but it comes from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.
all the best ahead