what should i do? - jtyhg
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what should i do? - jtyhg
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12-02-2008, 10:02 AM
feel hopeless, feel worried, feel useless, feel unsecure, feel agitated, feel anger, feel pitiful, feel disregarded, feel abanded, feel sad, feel futureless, feel tearful, feel lonely...
hope things getting better. the most important thing is sexual urges remains...
12-02-2008, 10:30 AM
12-02-2008, 10:38 AM
from the blog
I can still remember the day following the scramble. It was perhaps one of the most disappointing days of my life. Seemed like all the hard work, all the sweat ,blood, and tears that I had gone through for so many years was all one big waste. Your also left kind of confused and dazed. Your really not sure what just happen. In my second match I had gone to about 9-10 interviewes and had even traveled out of the state. So I was expecting to match. When I received the email from the eras simplying stating: You did not Match, I was almost numb. I coudn't believe it. I just stood there sitting at my computer quiet. Not sure what to do. It was early in the morning too when I found out, and I didn't even have time to think about it much because the scramble was to start soon. So me and my wife stood up all night and day trying to figure out which hospitals we were going to call. The scramble came and went. And it was perhaps one of the toughest days of my life, but however, not all was a waste. The day of the scramble I was invited for one interview at a hospital. I had called them during the scramble, and they had wanted to see me. So me and my wife got dresses and took the car, and went to go see the program. They interviewed me for a few hours. And i think they almost were about to choose me, but at the end it was a NO. I still remember like it was yesterday. It must have been around 7pm at night. My wife was waiting for me in the hallway. The program director saw me and my wife at the end of the night. She said I will call you tomorrow. I had a feeling I didn't get it, but I sensed that she didn't want to tell me right their. And just as we were walking out of the center she said " you know we really debated giving you the spot. We just wished that you had more clinical experience. We have one girl here that had done some clinical externship. you should really look into that. " Those few words changed my life. After that the next few days. I sat and spoke to my wife and told her "can you believe how close we got. They were gonna take me...unreal.. Now what do we do? I think we have to find one for those externiships. There really is no way out of this." My wife did some snooping around and I did the externship. 8 months later, by God's grace I was signing a pre-match offer. Now, before you run off to those extership places. Let me just tell you that this is my story. Every one is unique, and every program is unique. I was definetly blessed this year when I was able to pre-match. But I don't really credit myself. Their are a few ways to get into residence and I just chose one of them. I'm a big believer in God. I believe that it was my destiny to be a doctor. And if it is your destiny, then nothing will stand in your way. I believe that if it is really your purpose to be a doctor, then you will become a doctor. We all have a path and a destiny. If being a doctor is what you are meant to be, then nothing will stop it. Offcourse this implies that perhaps no all of us are meant to be doctors. However, this doesn't mean you failed at life, or that you are less of a person. You didn't waste all thise years in medical school. Your life can still have purpose and meaning. True happiness and purpose comes from God and comes from spending a life in the service of others. It comes from allowing to be led by God. Wether that means being a doctor or something else. I've only ever wanted to do the will of GOd. I believe that jesus guides my path. And if he does, he will take me to a peacefull place and a happy life. Wether that life is spent being a doctor in care of others or being a janitor. I believed that- I will work the hardest I could, and at the end of all the hard work and effort- if being a doctor is what I'm meant to be, then it will happen. If it doesn't happen, then something else will. Something else that will also give your life purpose and meaning. How else can you explain some people facing impossible odds, with low scores, hardly a contact, but yet getting a spot. Someone once emailed me and asked, "if it was God's will, then why did you keep on trying. when do u stop trying?" and my response, is what I'm telling you now. I was going to try everything I can, and work the hardest I can. If after all the hardwork, it results in me getting residency- great, if not, then I'll move to do something else that is meaningful and would give my life purpose. If you have failed year after year getting into residency, then fix your mistakes. try to correct your weaknesses. After you do all that, if it happens that you don't get residency,it doesn't mean you are a failure. At the end of the day you want to go out and give it your all. Give it all you got. If you don't succeed it doesn't mean your a failure. It means that there is another purpose and another meaning out their in the world for you. all your hard work, was not a waste. The knowledge that your learned can still be used in bringing hope and help to others around you. For now, don't give up! Tell yourself "ok, lets do this!! Let me give it all that I have all that I can will." And if you find yourself in pain and hurt, just remeber that you are not alone. God is there with you. YOu only have to call on the name of Jesus. He is their for you. He is their to comfort you. The pain that life gives can not be eliminated by trying to forget about it, or by trying to intoxicate yourself with something. the bible says that jesus came to heal the broken hearted. Let God mend your broken heart. Fall on the face of Jesus. He will give you life meaning and purpose and will give you the strength to carry on. Only someone that can read your thoughts and "look" inside your heart can truly understand what you are going through. Perhaps that person is God. Perhaps that person is Jesus. God can give you peace. Peace that is not like the worlds. Lean on God and he will guide you. If you are meant to be a Doctor than ask GOD for guidance and strength. If you don't believe in GOd much, or you really don't believe anything I'm saying then thats fine. But what do you have to lose. God calls those who are in pain and who are weary to come to him. He doesn't judgde. Even is you don't have much faith in God, what does it cost to go to your room and close your door, and get and your knees and pray to GOd and ask for hel and peace. Ask him to help you to deal with this pain you feel of not being a Doctor. The pain you feel that you have failed by not getting residency. OPen your heart. jesus wil not judge you. God can give you peace. He can give you the yearnings of your heart. Keep you head up. You can do this. I say all this because, God has given me peace. When the impossible becomes possible and you start seeing the workings of God in your heart, then your heart will be filled with belief in Jesus and God. Belief that your special and that God hears you. Don't give up my friend !! you can do it!! Study hard keep your head up. Lean on GOd. Jesus Loves you. God can freely give you Peace. just ask him too. You are NOT ALone! Dr.Mike |
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