03-06-2007, 05:36 PM
Its hard to sleep at night.. we've all come a long way.. been through so much.. now these 6 days seem like an eternity.. the fear of whats going to happen.. the anxiety of where we will be going or perhaps not going anywhere at all.. I wish I had a time machine.. and I had the ability to make all things the way I want them to be.. alas! life is hardly perfect.. that scares me.. the imperfection haunts me.. I raise my hands in prayer.. I try to nudge the doubts out of my head.. I search for peace.. for a moment I find it.. but then the seeds of doubt sprout new shoots.. I am thrust in the world of self doubt again.. helpless and exhausted, I turn on the TV.. I surf the channels looking but not seeing.. as the channels flip rapidly the picture become incoherent.. I have other things to think about.. I think about the culmination of years upon years of hard work.. of a dream to be a doctor.. that white coat.. a head full of all things medical.. then I think of what I am right now. I cant help but analyze.. the chain of thought is broken when I catch a glimpse of Stephen Colbert.. I go back a few channels and stop at the Colbert report.. the jokes are funny.. but wheres the laughter.. I grab the end of the chain again.. analyzing once more, I wonder when I had become so cynical, so dry.. I go back home, only in my mind.. its the fastest way to travel a million miles.. ah! good times.. I think of family and friends.. the parties and get togethers.. the time spent at coffee shops.. the dinners at mm alam road.. the dreams of becoming someone.. the challenge of making those dreams a reality.. simple times.. suddenly I'm pulled back to the present times.. its the door bell.. I stand up, and catch my balance. Perhaps i've traveled too much and too far back in time.. I adjust to the change in posture.. light headed from supine to standing.. hmm.. I need to replenish my intravascular volume.. but the bell rings once more.. I head to the door thinking who it could be.. Perhaps now the hours will go by a little faster.. I open the door.. the clock keeps ticking.. tick.. tick... tick.. suddenly I stop hearing the ticking, It drowned under the laughter I share with my friend.. I feel relaxed... time doesnt seem like such a burden anymore......