I hate myself now - mustdoit

[ArchivalUser]

Hi Frens....

I want to share with you all...coz I cant share with anyone....
I never dreamt of being a Doctor...I always wanted to be into research with plants.......I used to dream about inventing new hybrid seeds, flowers etc.

Am an IMG....so in our pre-med exam I topped in our state...I was an intelligent and most pampered, praised student thru out school and college....So I took it as a challenge to get a good rank in pre-med exam....and I did it...but Its the most unfortunate thing happened for me that I couldnt join horticulture because everyone will laugh If i join some normal course when I stood first in pre-med...so forcibly I joined in Medical school....

Thereafter my downfall started...I couldnt handle studying these bulky books...because am not hard working...In second year I failed in one subject....I felt so ashamed but I couldnt study because I dont like that...and I passed in Medicine with just 59%...after Medicine I just left my life blank with out studies for 3 yrs ..was working in a hospital...then I got married and came to USA...My hubby is very supportive in every aspect.....but he wants to see me as a good doc here in USA.....now I ahve to give all the MLE...

Its like hell for me...I lost one slot already...am going to lose one more slot now...but decided to give exam leaving it to GOD....I cant study for long hrs...so I keep on stuggling with the books....my Sis who is 6yrs younger to me is in Software job and all cousins younger to me and my friends all got settled in their lives...and I am here with nothing....I fell so unlucky that I couldnt stick to my dream...now I curse myself...My hubby cant see me in pain but he cant sacrify his dream of seeing me as a doc here....and i cant ask him to do so...because I dint expalin all this to him before marriage....we are very happy in all aspects but when it comes to my studies ...even he says a single word I will be so mad at him and cry within me for being in this situation...once I was ideal for each n evry student of our town..now am a loser......Anyways am giving my exam...please pray for my score....even if I get residency I dont know how far I can shine as a doc....but just want to do it for my hubby and parents.....
give me strength frens.....sry to kill ur time..

[ArchivalUser]

hi mustdoit,

I just bumped into your post and for a second, I thought, OMG,is this my inner mind's words? I was in your same position for the past so many years after my graduation. At first, I did medicine because it was my Dad's dream to see me as a doctor. After marriage and family, now I am forced to do it because it is y husband's dream now, to be continued. He didn't want me to do anything other than usmle because he thinks anything else is not worth it for one who is already a Doctor. He cannot understand how much struggle it is to become a Doctor here, and how much more it will be after you become one too.

Well, after all these years , I have seen many FMG Doctors here leading a successful and fulfilling carreer life (though not a fulfilling family life due to stress and lack of time), and after a long gap, I have come to the point where I have to decide between either to sit idle doing nothing ,or some mere underpaid job, or become a practicing Doctor in US and atleast gain the respect we deserve after all the hardships. I have selected the last option , and now moving on, no turning back. I am now trained myself to have a tunnel vision- only looking at scoring decently in the exams. Rest all, I will see later.

[ArchivalUser]

May be I am feeling really frustrated right now or whatever.....but I would really give a punch in the face of a HUSBAND who forces his wife to study usmle or medicine!!!!.....I would rather tell him to get out of my life!!!....My career is none of his business!!!! He sshud mind his own career and never tell a wife what she shud be studying!!....Instead he shud encourage here in whatever career SHE chooses. He came into your life from outside...right? Then why do you give him so much power??....Remember he is PART of your life....NOT your whole life. Your whole life includes other sectors too such as career , kids etc.....You shud do what YOU want and not what he or anybody else wants. And he shud support you regardless of anything. If he doesnt do that then he is not good for u!!!.....

I am just sick of dealing with relatives who think they can control our life and career!!!...I dont take that any more. And unless you become strong like this and ask yourself if this is what YOU want to do , you arent going to be happy!!!....So decide and do.
Good Luck!!

(and plz dont mind if I said any blunt words...becoz I am just feeling so cranky and frustrated today....and thats NOT your fault!! I wish you the best!!)

[ArchivalUser]

hi arundahatih why are cranky and frustrated today? keep moving.

[ArchivalUser]

yeah u know...this TEST!!!!....and time is flying fast!!!! u know.....

[ArchivalUser]

@ usmedipro

wish u all the luck...pray GOD that we can get thru all this successfully....

@ arundhati

I cant blame my hubby at all for this....because its my fault that I dint expalin all this to him before marriage...you knoe mine is an arranged marriage with parents involvement.....
so my hubby always wanted a doc to be his wife...so he chose me....and he is so good, caring and loving that I cant ask for anything more...If I say strongly No I dont want to do this...I will be just a homemaker...he wont say anything...but I know he gets disappointed..thats y I wanna do this for him....as a token of my love....


And realatives...I just hate them...thats I can say

[ArchivalUser]

Husbands and parents want the best for us. We can't blame them for loving us ! @ Arundhati and others, when we are kids, our parents take us to soccer practice, guitar or whatever extracurricular activity u wanna do, not coz they wanna impose themselves on us ! that's coz every parent wants the best for their kid, and it's human nature to have expectations from people u love and care about ! anyway, it's our life, no one can force us, but just wait a min and think, what ulterior motive does a husband or parents have ... r they sadistic that want u to study( and get tortured while doing that) and do well in life??? NO ! It's just that they feel, human beings always need a push ! so they want us to reach the maximum of our potential, but if u hate studying so much, just make them sit down and explain to them calmly. If ur husband loves you, he will get it ! if he doesnt, well then i am sorry for u !!

Gudluk Guys!! Don't panic, don't lose hope ! We can do it! it's not rocket science !! Thousands of people have done it, WE CAN and WE WILL !!

[ArchivalUser]

absolutely mustdo it, OMG you are just in my exact position. My husband is also the same exact like yours, very loving and caring,always wanted a Doctor to be his wife, we had an arranged marriage, I did tell him before moving here that I would not like to struggle to establish this carreer here, and he was perfectly ok with that. But whenever I wanted to pursue something else in studies, he didn't like it and was not supportive and kept motivating me to pursue usmle. He thinks that this carreer will be the best for me.
If I didn't select this, I would be sitting as a housewife as I had for some of these years. Only after a while I have realized that I can't sit like that. I have to do this. After all, my husband has only been trying to make me understand that this is what I can be best at . And I would not like to go against my family's wishes to pursue a different carreer.
Well,
I hope we all will do good in this carreer once we have established ourselves.

[ArchivalUser]

no1 can understand ur huge struggle and problem,,,even people sorrounding us if they r doctor still they failed to realise it,,because its differtent in different people,,,,as when u r in school or med college we all doest need same tution for each subject,,right ,,we hav our strong and week area,,,,and its hard to make realize to toher that what is my problem,,,lets try to compromise and hope for the best by studing hard.

[ArchivalUser]

I am going to step in and comment a bit here......I also know how desi arranged marriages work...but you just need to seat your husband down and tell him straight that you are not comfortable with studying USMLE and wud rather do something else (if thats what u want to do!). Arundhati is right in that regard....Regardless of what you said to him before marriage, it is YOUR career.....YOU have right to change it to any direction that you want. And unless you start taking control of your life there you are goingt to keep feeling this way.

So, just talk to him. If he loves you he will understand and support you in whatever you want to do. If he doesnt or if he doesnt show you support in your other career then he is no good!!....no matter how much you love him!....Love is inconditional my dear. It shud not be based on USMLE!!!

So it is YOU who has to decide if this is what YOU want to do.
And your husband ....He shud want YOU as his wife...not a doc!!!!......If he married you just becoz u r a doc...then thats not good. Your love is not real then. Becoz true love is unconditional.

And to the person to said that it is "human nature " to expect from the people u love....I disagree.....If you really love that person you will let them do what makes them happy ......no expectations...no conditions. Even if he expected you to be a doc, he needs to change his attitude...You are his wife now...He needs to accept you for who you are now and support you wholeheartedly regardless of what you pursue in your life. If he doesnt he isnt good for you (no matter how much say that u *love* him!!!)......Ladies....this is emotionall blackmail!!! Dont let it control your lives!!!!! YOU have to be strong or else you will never be happy!!!!